Saturday, December 28, 2013

"Our Country Duet"

You and I sing together every Thursday at Slagger's
Like George Jones and Tammy Wynette
The high point's the moment when you look in my eyes
As we sing "Our Country Duet".

But last night something happenned as we sang that song
That spooked me and I can't forget
I got a strange empty feeling when you looked in my eyes
As we sang "Our Country Duet".

Oh the words were the same and the tune was the same
And it wasn't like you looked upset
But I knew it was over when you looked in my eyes
As we sang "Our Country Duet".

And when we had finished you walked off the stage
And smiled and lit a cigarette
Did you know that I'd noticed what happened just then
As you sang "Our Country Duet"?

I look at you and, though you don't touch my hand,
Your face isn't filled with regret
But I know it now, even if you can't say it
I can never sing "Our Country Duet".






Kind of a country cousin to the last one.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Let the Music Do the Talking

Kind of a simple one, but it has a nice tune.



Let the music do the talking
Words lie and betray
Music has a way of saying
What words can never say

When I get sentimental
My feelings are a mess
Music then can say things
That words just can't express

For when you speak
Then the thought is broken
But music expresses
The unspoken

Every tune is a story
Each melody, unique
Why should words do the talking
Just let the music speak
Oh, just let the music speak

Monday, December 02, 2013

Sunday, September 15, 2013

A very happy birthday and many happy returns of the day, Tracy!  One hears from you far too seldom. How is Tim the Horse?

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Christmas Special 13: The Twelfth Night of Christmas

I'm thinking a Nick Lowe, piano and brushes-on-the-snare feel.



Tomorrow the needles
Get swept off the floor
We'll take that dried wreath
Off of the door

The tinsel and ribbons
Will get thrown away
It's the Twelfth Night of Christmas
The very last day

The season of giving
Is over and done
And though it was fun
The time has now come for everyday living

Tomorrow we'll unplug
And box up the lights
It's the Twelfth Night of Christmas
The very last night

Friday, September 06, 2013

Christmas Special: The Christmas I Don't Remember


Cups of mulled wine, fresh eggnog
The roaring flame of the Yule-tide log
The smoky smell of smoldering embers
None of this do I remember

Sister's chased by her new beau
Until, beneath the mistletoe
Kisses are offered in surrender
None of this do I remember

Wassail bowl and Christmas toasts
Whelkins, oysters, pheasant, chickens
Leg of mutton, goose and roasts
A feast right out of Charles Dickens

The Parson makes a pious face
And says a most distinguished grace
"For thy gifts that thou dost tender…"
It must have hapenned--can't remember


We trudge through snow with our ice skates
To play Crack the Whip on the frozen lake
Some beautiful day in late December
Sorry, no, I don't remember

The snowmen all in family poses
Coal for eyes and carrot noses
Papa's hat, to distinguish gender
Sounds like fun. I don't remember

Mother boiling home-made candy
That she puts in silver wrappers
Raisins pulled from flaming brandy
Snapdragons and Christmas crackers

Father holds the baby high
To place the star and glorify
Our Christmas tree in all its splendor
None if this do I remember.

Monday, September 02, 2013

Christmas Special: What If It's True?


'Twas early morning Christmas Eve and I was less than fresh
I stumbled by a church and laughed at the plastic crèche
And even though I riduled the crazy manger scene
Still part of me was wondering what it all could mean


What if peace and justice really come from above?
If life has a meaning, and that meaning is love?
If a kind word can triumph over force of a fist?
What if that's the reason why we humans even exist?
What if we take seriously the words of Doctor King?
What if "Amazing Grace" isn't just a song for Aretha to sing?
What if we paid attention to Mahalia and Sam Cooke
Bach's St. Matthew's Passion and Dostoevesky's books?

I mean, what if it's true?
It seems unlikely, but what if it's true?
It makes as much sense as most things do
I don't know, what if it's true?

I'm no one to talk about salvation, I'm just about the worst
My friends would only laugh if I'd say the last shall be the first
If somebody hits me I'll give them a smack
I'm not going to smile and say please could you hit me back?
I don't love my neighbors, I can barely stand 'em
I won't turn the other cheek, I'll just strike out at random
But what if there really is more to life this:
Eating, drinking, scratching, snoring, belching and a piss

So what if it's true?
It  seems unlikely, but what if it's true?
It doesn't seem like anyone else has a clue
You never know, it just might be true

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Christmas Special: (Just Like An) Astronaut (In Space on Christmas)

I heard a cover of "Space Oddity" and thought, that would make a good Christmas song.


I feel marooned 
As far away as the moon
I don't know how I got myself in this mess
Out of my window
I see the earth's bluish glow
I'm like an astronaut in space on Christmas

On my space phone
I try to call home
Pleading pull me from this seclusion
Help me Houston

I float effortlessly
Suspended in zero-G 
As if there were no center with us
Just like an astronaut in space on Christmas



Alone and unloved
Though they say I have the Right Stuff
I feel a sadness that I cannot dísmiss
In my tin playpen
Abandoned son of John Glenn
I'm like an astronaut in space on Christmas

Can I reverse
Come back to earth 
Free myself from inside this capsule?
Help me NASA

Like a misanthrope
Peering through his telescope
At all this Christmas celebration business
I'm like an astronaut in space on Christmas.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

R.I.P Rosie

Haji, Rosie of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, has passed on.  "Soak it up Miss Sponge, I'm-a gonna squeezing you dry!"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23666502

Monday, August 12, 2013

Some Mad Maggies, embedded for your pleasure.  The brindle pit bull at the :26 mark is Odetta.


Sunday, August 11, 2013

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Christmas Special: O Tannenbaum


Beneath the tree, the dark roots shove
With star and sun and fire above
The golden sparks of its machinery
Flash and shine within the greenery

O tannenbaum, O tannenbaum
O glorious green fuse
Our food and shelter, seed and juice
Our mistress and our muse

We mark its branches with a wreath
With blood-red berries underneath
And there's the plant entwined like lace
That tells us when we may embrace

O tannenbaum O tannenbaum
Remain forever green
A beacon in our darkest days
Our begetter and our queen

And the great Father in his boots
Pulls it up right by the roots
He sets the mighty log alight
Which burns for twelve days and twelve nights

O tannenbaum O tannenbaum
Spirit of woods and earth
As you're consumed with fire
We view our own rebirth

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Monday, July 15, 2013

Christmas Special 08: The Advent Calendar


Well, each day has a secret
If you know how to find it
Each secret opens up a door
Each with a gift behind it

Each gift is like a mouth
Each mouth has its own word
And every word a saint
And every saint a bird

For every day is like a new book
Open it up slowly!
Each book is a story in stained glass
All lit up and holy

Each day's a secret storeroom
In which all things belong:
Cathedral, atlas, Noah's ark
Museum, city, song





Not forgetting Jimmy's curious habit of not opening any Advent windows for several days, then opening them all at once

Sunday, July 07, 2013

Christmas Special 07: When It Snows in San Francisco


Some call it Baghdad by the Bay
Some the Barbary Coast
When it snows in San Francisco
Her beauty shines the most
The Victorians form quite elegant shapes
With a quiet, bluish glow
When it snows in San Francisco
San Francisco in the snow

Over on Castro and Market
There's quite a lively scene
Contestants dressed as skaters vie
To be named Ice Queen
Dorothy Hamils and Peggy Flemings
Compete for "Best of Show"
When it snows in San Francisco
San Francisco in the snow

Cars go flying off-street
As they try to navigate Gough Street
Or fly quick as an arrow
Slipping down Divisidero

The food trucks tweet that they will serve
The finest cocoa from Europe
A few will even serve up locally-sourced
Snow and maple syrup
Guys with beards and boots and vests
Who look like Henry Thoreau
Line up in San Francisco
San Francisco in the snow

Friday, July 05, 2013

Christmas Special: Christmas Eve in Texas, 1954

You have to imagine Firestone singing this in his Beefheart-ish blues voice:


Christmas Eve in Texas
Nineteen fifty-four
The crowd called out for Johnny
Lined up way outside the door
Who could guess that Johnny
Would not be alive
New Year's Day in Houston, Texas
Nineteen fifty-five

Big Mama said to Johnny,
"Watch how you have fun
Don't drink and slap a lady
And you be careful with that gun
There is one card, Johnny
That can beat an Ace."
Christmas Eve in Houston, Texas
Wrong night, wrong place

He said, "I've pledged my love, now
The time has come to spend it."
She said, "Fame's a hound dog
There's no way you can befriend it."
His finger on the trigger
Getting set to pull it
He said, "Mama, now don't you worry
There's just one bullet."

Johnny watched the clock
Both hands stuck at twelve
He aimed at Big Mama
Then aimed the gun right at himself
The crowd was calling Johnny
But there was no encore
That Christmas Eve in  Houston, Texas
Nineteen fifty-four





Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Christmas Special 05: The Longest Night of the Year

A love song to Santy Claus, which as far as I know makes it unique in the Christmas cannon:


This night's both dark and bright
This longest night of the year
The shortest day is too long
Only night brings you near

I hear bells ringing
Up in the sky
I'm too excited
To fall asleep when you're so nearby

Any moment you'll be here
The longest night of the year


I see your shadow
Cast on the moon
I look up and know
You'll be shining on me soon

And like magic you'll appear
The longest night of the year

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Christmas Special: No Returns

Gifts lined up in a row
Each one with a bow
Corners all just so

I haven't any bling for you
All that I can bring for you
Is the song I sing for you

And when you open up 
My little song
What if I got
The size and color wrong?

Love, this is not show biz
My song comes "as is"
No returns, as is.

Sunday, June 02, 2013

Christmas Special: Boxing Day


They say the most important thing's
A positive attitude
So we'll smile uneasily while
You show your gratitude:

Thank you for the twenty bucks you tipped us
Thank you!
Thank you for the bottle that you slipped us 
Thank you!
Never mind the many times you clipped us
Thank you!
Thank you for your presents on this Boxing Day


We don 't mind how often you've neglected us
We don't mind!
We don't mind that you have disrespected us
We don't mind!
The petty insults to which you have subjected us
We don't mind!
Thank you for your presents on this Boxing Day


A special day is set aside,
The feast day of St. Stephen
For charity that otherwise
You really don't believe in


Thank you for this one day when you serve us
Thank you!
When you pretend you really don't deserve us
Thank you!
Even though it only makes us nervous
Thank you!
Thank you for your presents on this Boxing Day

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Christmas Special 02: The Snowman (when he melts)

 A soul blues, like "Neighbor, Neighbor" or "My Babe":


What happens to a snowman when he melts?
He gets turned into something else
Mister Snowman melts and dies 
Nothing left bit two coal eyes
Please don't make a poor old snowman melt

What happens to a snowman when he thaws?
You can say goodbye, he's a lost cause
He will turn into a softie
No more being cooler than Frosty
Please don't make a poor old snowman thaw

Winter is the only season
For a frozen heart
Springtime blows it into pieces
When growth and greenery start

What happens when you melt a cold, cold man
Who never felt a thing since time began?
He will turn right onto water
Crying over some man's daughter
Please don't try to melt a cold, cold man

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Christmas Special 01: Santa's Comin' Tonight

I'd like to do a Christmas show this year of all original songs, so I'm trying to get an early start on the songwriting. My first is a 70s Nashville weeper. More to follow.



Little Bobby told me after grace over our meal
The big kid next door said to him that Santa Claus ain't real
I saw his little worried face and had to make things right
I said, "Your momma loves your daddy and Santa's comin' tonight.

Christmas Day will be the best day ever at our house this year
Food and gifts and togetherness and all that yuletide cheer
I know you've heard your mom and papa having little fights
But Momma loves your daddy and Santa's comin' tonight."

Well, the truth is that sometimes you've got to tell your children lies
Tell them that they can't believe what they see with their own eyes
Kids just want to know they'll have both a dad and mom
That they're livin' with a nuclear family and not a nuclear bomb

My boy's all the world to me, I can't think about his face
When he learns the world's not such a happy, magic place
So I'll say what I have to, tell him black is white
That his momma loves his daddy, and Santa's comin' tonight.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

(I lost you and then I lost) George Jones

Tonight I heard the news
And poured some drugstore booze
Into a jar with a picture of Fred Flintstone
I guess I should hold back
But my mood is extra black
Cause I lost you and then I lost George Jones

I feel the sadness coming on
As I listen to his songs
It's a pain that travels deep inside my bones
Just when things seemed seemed alright
The news came in tonight
That I lost you and then I lost George Jones

I know I've played around
I know I've been a drunk
And there are even worse things that I've done
But look at old George Jones
Well, who'd have ever thunk
That old outlaw would live to 81?

I'm spinning those great LPs 
And pitying poor little me
Drunk again and singing all alone
I'm slipping into the abyss
Say, what kind of world is this
Where I've lost you and now I've lost George Jones?


Friday, April 26, 2013

Sunday, March 03, 2013

I can't imagine what the overlap between Roxy fans and lovers of trad jazz could be.  I can only assume that Bryan Ferry made "The Jazz Age" for me personally.  Thanks Bryan. I may need to get a new maroon smoking jacket (full-length, this time.)

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Hard Times for 2013

Updated verses for a song that's a few years old now:

The Mayans made a prophecy
When the end'd at last occur
Instead we got the usual:
A schoolhouse massacre.

Hard times are these, my friends
Hard times, indeed

A policeman tried to tell me
His department was corrupt
He killed his captain's daughter
Before they blew him up

Hard times are these, my friends
Hard times, indeed

Lightning struck the Vatican
The chimney smoke blew black
The Pope had run away, and they
Were trying to get him back

Hard times are these, my friends
Hard times, indeed

Maybe I am trying to hard
To read between the lines
Are asteroids and meteors
Exploding warning signs?

Hard times are these, my friends
Hard times, indeed

Monday, February 11, 2013

Dorothy's Parka (Who Cares the Least)

It's taken me a while to get something here, really had a strong desire to "reply" to 4P. It's not what I initially imagined but I like it anyway. Makes a nice bookend I think. And a couple of nice "tricks" in it that gave me pleasure to write.

I'm sorry darling that I distinguish
What I show and how I feel
Your love infects me like possession
At your feet I bow and kneel

It may happen in conversation
I wear a mask and show restraint
You must know that I adore you
And I'm showing what I ain't

Could I survive the raging passion
Endure sans cesse the touch so sweet
Every day I would expire
Denied convention's clemency

So watch: I'm bland; see: I'm insipid
I've covered up the shameless beast
Who waits supine, dying for you
While I pretend to care the least

Saturday, February 09, 2013

The Next To Last Night of the Year


Well isn't this a lovely night?
The bar has both Bud and Coor's Lite
You asked me not to call too late
But I'm starting to deteriorate
Two idiots right by the door
Go on about how they much drank the night before
Why'm I alone
Why am I here
On the next to last day
Of the year


My mother said that if your bored
You lack Resources--Oh, Good Lord!
I'm sorry if I seem remorseless
But I admit that I've no Resources
Tomorrow night, off to the scene
Where the boys are dumb and the girls are kind of mean
Why will I go
Why aren't you here
On the next to last day
Of the year


This morning as the sun arose
I was still dressed in last night's clothes
The crescent moon was nearly gone
The stars were fading in the dawn
Tomorrow night, another day
Another wasted year gets toasted and gets thrown away
And why go on
If you're not here
On the next to last day
Of the year

Monday, January 21, 2013

4.P

Came up with this while reading Dorothy Parker on the flight home from Montgomery AL:


All my wisest friends have told me
If you'd save yourself distress
Keep a close watch on your heart
Be the one who loves the less

Love well, my friend, but not too much
So they tell me that it's best
To lose your head but not completely
Be the one who loves the less

If you keep your feelings penned up
Slightly distant and amused
You're much more likely to end up
With your heart just slightly bruised

This is what my wise friends tell me
Thinking of my happiness
Yet I think just one more time I'll
Be the one who loves to excess

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Last November I had an attack of the gout that had me limping for a few weeks.  The doctor told me I had to end my relationship with my old friend Bertolino Bourboni.  He since relented and told me it's OK to see him, now and again, socially, but that our former passionate friendship might lead to more and more frequent gout attacks.  I've done it before, of course, but this is a sad thing.  Tuba-playng and sobriety don't go together so well.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Bobbi's Coming Back


We've had our little summer fling
Our brief clandestine tryst
But I can't see you any more
Please go now, I insist…


Bobbi watches all her fellows
Her temper's bad, and she's jealous
Better run girl, girl run faster
If she catches you, it'll be a disaster
Tell your priest to start saying mass
'Cause Bobbi's going to kick your ass
All the way to Indiana
She's a new Tura Satana

'Cause now Bobbi's coming back
B-B-B-Bobbi's coming back
Bobbi's coming back to town
You won't like the resolution
Of her acts of retribution
But Bobbi's coming back to town


Sure we had a brief flirtation
But it's time to change your focus
Weren't you talking about taking a vacation
To visit your sister in Ho-Ho-Kus?


Don't think she'll get any softer--
Now she's taking her earrings off her
She will go and snap your body
She knows kung-fu and karate
Bobbi has the force when she gets vicious
Of a few well-armed militias
She'll do grievous bodily acts of harm
Someone just might buy the farm

'Cause now Bobbi's coming back
B-B-B-Bobbi's coming back
Bobbi's coming back to town
You better get your bags packed
If you don't want to get whacked
'Cause Bobbi's coming back to town



                                      The original Tura Satana

Friday, January 04, 2013

The Old Bear to Delmore Schwartz

Poor bear
     His toothless mouth that cannot bite
     His eyes now clouded milky white
     His sad, unending appetite
The old bear’s fallen down

Poor bear
Making wild faces like a brute
Pulling tricks in his charm suit
Panting, roaring, what a beaut
The old bear, man about town

Poor bear
Shambling with his funny trot
Humbled in a bunny squat
Looking for his honey pot 
The old bear of renown

Poor bear
In his sleep lets out a scream
All he ever does is dream
Of eating candy and ice cream
The old bear’s lost his crown

And even when I think I'm alone
He apes every move I make
I hear his sad, pathetic groan
The vast world of his bellyache

Poor bear
The joker with his rubber ball
His shoes too big, his pants too small
They clap and laugh to watch him fall
The old bear's just a clown

Poor bear
Takes one more round on stage
He growls and lunges out in rage
Ha ha!  Too funny! Doesn't need a cage
The old bear's going down