Looking for suggestions, additions or rewrites to this one....
From an early age
I felt like I was living in a cage
And dreamed of the freedom I’d have some day
Like a sparrow
My world was too narrow
But I would fly, fly, fly, fly away
My mama said
I’d have a bed
That she would always love me come what may
But now I’m lost
I’m worn out and wind-tossed
And I cannot go home this way
Ran out of luck
And I got stuck
Sleeping by the roadside on the ground
I can’t go home
Can’t even phone
Till I can somehow get my life all turned around
My mama told me
She wouldn’t scold me
No matter how far I went astray
But I have sworn
Better not to have been born
Than to go home this way
What do you think, Spartan Brothers? Keep, fix or scrap?
I felt like I was living in a cage
And dreamed of the freedom I’d have some day
Like a sparrow
My world was too narrow
But I would fly, fly, fly, fly away
My mama said
I’d have a bed
That she would always love me come what may
But now I’m lost
I’m worn out and wind-tossed
And I cannot go home this way
Ran out of luck
And I got stuck
Sleeping by the roadside on the ground
I can’t go home
Can’t even phone
Till I can somehow get my life all turned around
My mama told me
She wouldn’t scold me
No matter how far I went astray
But I have sworn
Better not to have been born
Than to go home this way
What do you think, Spartan Brothers? Keep, fix or scrap?
3 comments:
Seems to need a bridge.
How about the novelty of a double bridge?! (May require a couple more verses be added.) Like,
I should have seen it coming
I should have seen the fall
I should have tried to save my life
Before I lost it all
I guess I saw it coming
I guess I saw it all
I guess I lie and try to hide
Until I have to crawl
Well actually I wrote this to go with an already existing tune in the AABA form, so even though the the words that start with "Ran out of luck" have the same rhythm, they actually are part of the bridge.
However Jim's double bridge is delightful; I like the double sense of "lie...until I have to crawl." I'll see if I can work it in.
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