Elegy

Jimmy called up and I knew right away
It was years in the coming, but it happened today
I knew what it'd be even before he said,
"It finally happened.  I'm sorry.  He's dead."
You'd bragged and you'd treated it all like joke
But the illness was stronger and you finally broke
Someone, I know, should have been there and stayed.
I'm sorry you were alone.  I hope you weren't afraid.

I think of the good times, just like you're supposed to
So fun to be with, so hard to be close to
Sometimes I ignored your lies and deceit
Thinking those are allowed to a poète maudit
As if your pretension to being an artist
Excused certain choices, perhaps not the smartest
But whatever I say to try and dismiss you
I can't see the bottom to how much I'll miss you

I'm saying this now trying to fill up the void
I know if you heard it you'd just be annoyed
Of course you would find it all dumb and cliché
At best you might smile and say, "Yeah, it's OK"
Or maybe this once, maybe you'd condescend
To accept something given with love from a friend
I wish it were better. It's all that I've got.
You're dead now, you bastard. You're dead and I'm not.