Johny Blood Tells A Joke

There’s a little cafeteria at work and though I don’t eat there often I did the other day. The woman in front of me, Doreen from Human Resources, ordered a hot dog with everything on it--onions? pickles? --The works! (though since they have neither kraut nor smothered onions nor even Dijon mustard, I don’t know if it could really be called the works). I could feel it welling up in me, I knew she wouldn’t think it was funny, but it’s just this corny tuba player streak, finally I fought it down and resisted, but it’s like feeling a sneeze coming on, like having to pee, like a song stuck in your head--bright are the stars that shine/dark is the sky/I know this love of mine/ blee blee blah blah/ bla-bla blee-blee, like having a smart riposte a day too late (Yr mama didn’t seem to have any trouble with back-end processing). I managed not to say it but it’s burning me up inside. Sorry, I know it’s stupid but did you hear about the Zen hot dog vendor? He’ll make you one with everything. That’s right. Ha-ha. Thanks, I feel better now. Yeah. One with everything. Good one.

I got the new Eno and it’s great, I’ve been listening to a lot, but there seems to be something pathetic and middle-aged about taking so much pleasure in an album that sounds like the most exciting music of 30 years ago, like going to a restaurant and ordering macaroni and cheese. Still I have been listening to it a lot.

I also got "Vintage Violence" on vinyl, filling a 20-year lacuna in my record collection. "Someone took the tuba for a pony ride and the music sounded so much better"--how true these words are. I’m surprised that the Nick Drake-revival crowd hasn’t brought this album back big time, along with "Paris 1919".

But back with a vengeance is Gang of Four, whose "I Found That Essence Rare" was the Paca-Carroll Basement Hit of 1980. Yup, apparently they’re doing a reunion tour, and all the hip new bands site them as an influence. Fine by me, but why them and not say, Marie & the Garcons or the Aural Exciters? And whatever happened to Jimmy Skafish?

Johny Blood Sings the Blues

Hello. I’m Johny Blood. And now I’d like to play you a song I stole from the Carter Family. It’s a blues in A. OK, here’s a couple of bars for nothing...

I went down to the river, the river deep and wide
Went down to the river, the river deep and wide
Saw a shining city on the other side.

I couldn’t get across, ‘cause the river was too deep
I couldn’t get across, ‘cause the river was too deep
Lay my head on a stone and went to sleep.

When I awoke, I lay on a desert shore
When I awoke, I lay on a desert shore
Couldn’t see that shining city no more.

Around my leg was twenty-seven chains
Around my leg was twenty-seven chains
And every one had the initials of my name.

I saw the judge, and asked him set me free
I saw the judge, and begged him set me free
Whatever’s been done, it surely wasn’t me.

The judge said nothing, pointed far away
The judge said nothing, pointed far away
I knew I’d never see the light of day.

Just then I heard the roaring of a train
Just then I heard the roaring of a train
Lost everyone I love and I’m stuck here in chains.

Where's the Old Stag?

Warning...warning sign...