I've tasted hunger, felt the tooth
Saw spectral figures from my youth
In dreams, then I awoke
Kids, don't smoke
I don't need to slash the night
To violate it with my light
The moon's already made its stroke
Kids, don't smoke
Someone’s here. I start to bark
In the quiet of the dark
A warning, challenge or a joke?
Kids, don’t smoke
Through the darkness and the thickness
I’ve felt the coming of the sickness
Sticky as a rum & coke
Kids, don’t smoke
6 comments:
I showed this to a friend who suggested dropping the tagline, which I like. If nothing else, it makes the have a somewhat unusual shape. So another possible version:
I've tasted hunger, felt the tooth
Saw spectral figures from my youth
In dreams, then I awoke
I don't need to slash the night
To violate it with my light
The moon's already made its stroke
Someone’s here. I start to bark
In the quiet of the dark
A warning, challenge or a joke?
Through the darkness and the thickness
I’ve felt the coming of the sickness
Sticky as a rum & coke
Kids, don't smoke
I like it with taglines. Not entirely happy with final verse though. Thinking on it.
Through the darkness and the thickness
Came the cure astride the sickness
Deep inside the goddess spoke
Kids, don't smoke
Bronco Brunner goes deep, I like it. Maybe the second line could be "The cure was found inside the sickness,' just for singbility.
Although now I realize that's a slightly different image. "The cure rode in atop the sickness" maybe?
i like it: rode in atop is good
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